Its Called Hazing, Look It Up

Round 3: This house would redefine hazing aka you will always be topical.

Basically every gov figured since they get to redefine the term, they will never be not topical. Cal/Graham, BenW/Josh, and Sam/BenS decided to go with that theory, while Miles/Chris decided to try and be topical. Naturally, Miles/Chris were the only ones who had T run on them.

BenW/Josh (gov): They decided redefining hazing meant giving illegal immigrants a path to citizenship and granting amnesty. They based advantages on naturalizing citizens, but their opponents claimed the naturalization process was different from a path to citizen ship. Much confusion resulted.

Sam/Ben “King of the Line-By-Line” Strauss (gov): They decided “redefining hazing” meant raising the minimum wage to stope “hazing” workers. Yeah… Their opponents argued that this would just cause hyper inflation where if wages were raised by $10 prices would also rise by $10. Sam channeled Bruce Wambheim and raged about the effect of real wages on inflation. The opponents also asked Ben if he knew of any examples of the government punishing corporations. Sam was freaking out because he couldn’t think of any, but Ben came through without looking at them and said “BP oil spill. Do you want more?” Then he ate his own flow to establish dominance.

Miles/Chris (gov): They said that there should be more punishments for cyber bullying. The opponents ran T (note, these were the only opponents to do that). Cal thought that there was some truth to the T though because hazing isn’t just bullying its part of an initiation procedure. But really, if the gov gets to redefine hazing they can’t fail to meet their own definition.

Cal/Graham (gov): They said that hazing is when older members of a group have more power over newer members. So “redefining hazing” meant removing veto power from the P5 in the UN Security Council. This would allow Palestine to be granted statehood and allow bills on nuclear proliferation and climate change to be passed. They were fairly confident the round was over when the opp A- didn’t run T and B- said Palestine will eventually be recognized by the US because Florida is a swing state and all the Jews in Florida that support Israel will eventually die. And then the US will let Palestine become a state. They also POOed a question at Cal. The judge was not pleased.

Round 4: This house believes that the olympics are a vehicle for change.

Basically every round was the same here. All Carleton teams were opp (BenS/Sam just realized that the sides alternate now after two years of debates). The gov said that the olympics are a show of solidarity where athletes where people become friends. We said the olympics create a façade of unity behind which human rights are tossed aside. Pretty much ever Carleton team either directly called the opponents racist (Sam/BenS and Miles) or just heavily implied it (Cal/Graham and BenW/Josh).

The real debate: the banquet.

We were all told we are magicians with Jedi mind powers. No really. That happened. The guest speaker had us hold a paper clip above a circle and just think about it moving. Then it would move. Hence, Jedi mind powers. Also fun fact, Jedi is actually a proper noun.

Then the banquet continued … and kept going … and we were there for 2 and a half hours. We did hear one coach mention that if the administration heard the conversations he has with his students, … they would fire him. But hey, and least he didn’t endorse token racism. So better than last year.

Then breaks were announced and Cal/Graham cleared to day two, but no other Carleton team did. Also, half of the field was cleared to elims.

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