So after we made it to registration 2 minutes before it was over (and were told that they could finally post pairings now that we were here) the tournament began!
Round 1: Minnesota should adopt Governor Dayton’s tax plan. Unfortunately, none of us had any idea what that tax plan was. Fortunately, Cal/Graham and Ryan/Ben were opposition. Unfortunately, Chris/Miles were gov.
Chris/Miles: They knew Dayton was a democrat, so assumed he was raising taxes. Which is sort of true. After their opponents asked them to define the tax plan there was a awkward silence. Then Miles said he wanted to spread the wealth and raise taxes on the rich capitalist pigs. They then solved: poverty, global warming, bridges collapsing, and roads disappearing. In that order.
Cal/Graham: Graham knew that Dayton wanted to tax clothing sales at the Mall of America because it was mentioned once in price theory as a dumb idea. Unfortunately, its inefficiency was demonstrated using Calc 3. But we PICed out of it anyway because it was the only thing we knew was coming. Cal claims his MOC was the most lifeless he as ever felt in a debate round.
Ben/Ryan: They were opp so naturally the prepped taxes bad and good dependant on which one Dayton’s tax plan was not. They also ran a pseudo-counter plan (described as “semi-counterplan slash not counterplan”) that if the gov thought taxes were bad, then they won. And said businesses would flee to Kansas if taxes rose. And poor children would cry. Then have to pay increased utilities taxes on those tears.