hahajk…

So, despite the caps-locked declaration at the end of our last post, Carleton MT did, in fact, lose against Ripon JK. Have we found a new Axis of Evil? Perhaps, but I think we’re all convinced that the true evil here lies in the judging pool. Here’s how the round broke down:

The resolution. Resolved: The requirement to be a natural-born citizen shall be removed from the US Constitution.

Ripon JK went gov, Carleton MT went opp and managed to sound surprisingly not-racist while doing so.

Pimp My Bum guy (henceforth referred to as JerBear) rocks his partner’s world (…?) and apparently the judges’, too, with a values case about “progress” (which is somehow a lot less vague than “representation of US interests”). His partner failed to adequately answer any of Graham’s arguments… or really say anything at all, but we’ve all come to expect that. One judge, however, really liked her idea that a foreign-born President would be able “to make alis ‘friends.'” No, we are not kidding. That was written on an RFD.

Overall, we learned that you can gain solvency even if you do functionally nothing, factual arguments can go completely ignored by the gov team and still not effect the round (because “any dropped arguments are either obvious or probably not that important in the first place”), and Minnesota-circuit judges really just have no idea what’s going on.

Also, Miles made Graham cry again with the assertion that, if he could only grow breasts, perhaps he’d do better at tournaments. As one of two females currently on the team, I’d like to question that logic and/or become very depressed that, even with the Breast Bonus that apparently exists in parli debate, I’ve only done as well as I have.

To end on a less disconcerting note, congratulations to Carleton DM for a strong showing at their first tournament as partners and to Carleton MT for making it to semis, and may we have another chance to take down JerBear and his partner in the future.

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4 Responses to hahajk…

  1. carldebate says:

    Haha, great post Torre! I’m shocked Carleton MT managed to sound not-racist. And David, I’m not really sure what exactly happened on the ride to Bethany on Saturday, but I’m almost certain I don’t want to… Last year quarters, this year semis — the Vocal Viking is totally yours next year! (Even if it means resorting to physical violence — what good is our ridiculous height advantage if we can’t resort to physical intimidation every now and then?!?)
    – Laura

  2. DavMac says:

    This was definitely one of the more disappointing losses I think we’ve had in the activity… still, a really fun weekend overall, I think people would agree (despite various downsides, including the obvious 80’s-ness of Mankato, the fact that I almost died/ threw up/ exploded on the way to BLC on Saturday morning if not for Justin’s timely pull-over on the highway). Beating St. Olaf was definitely a highlight. But, Oh JerBear… rocking everyone’s world. Anyways, thanks for posting, Torre! I also just realized that Justin said “pimp MY bum” instead of “pimp THAT bum” in the previous post, and laughed for about 5 minutes… the image of him saying that is pretty fantastic.

  3. Emilyyyy says:

    Oh my god this post made me crack up. Fracking minnesota judges. Keep up the good fight you guys, even if you have to stuff a bra or two in the process. Gabe and I will skype into practice sometime!

    I miss all of you. My cell phone autocorrected “miss” to “kiss” at first. Fate? ???

  4. Justin says:

    One way or another, Ripon JK will be stopped. This I vow. Also, if I ever get out-spoken by the female half of Ripon Jk, I may have to resort to physical violence.

    Quotes from the round/things written on Justin’s flow:
    –If ‘etcetera’ were an argument, she’d be the best debater ever.
    –“The alliances we could make with Africa would be fantastic!” (‘k’ from Ripon JK)
    –“Thanks to my opponents. I know we’ve debated in the past, it’s always a good time.” (David)
    –“Jeremy’s a terribly persuasive guy, but no matter what he waxes poetic about on the discourse point, you have to look at how it gets to an impact.” (David again).
    (Okay, those last two aren’t very funny–they were just said in such a civil tone, which I found funny because I don’t think David believed what he was saying.

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