So, despite the caps-locked declaration at the end of our last post, Carleton MT did, in fact, lose against Ripon JK. Have we found a new Axis of Evil? Perhaps, but I think we’re all convinced that the true evil here lies in the judging pool. Here’s how the round broke down:
The resolution. Resolved: The requirement to be a natural-born citizen shall be removed from the US Constitution.
Ripon JK went gov, Carleton MT went opp and managed to sound surprisingly not-racist while doing so.
Pimp My Bum guy (henceforth referred to as JerBear) rocks his partner’s world (…?) and apparently the judges’, too, with a values case about “progress” (which is somehow a lot less vague than “representation of US interests”). His partner failed to adequately answer any of Graham’s arguments… or really say anything at all, but we’ve all come to expect that. One judge, however, really liked her idea that a foreign-born President would be able “to make
alis ‘friends.'” No, we are not kidding. That was written on an RFD.
Overall, we learned that you can gain solvency even if you do functionally nothing, factual arguments can go completely ignored by the gov team and still not effect the round (because “any dropped arguments are either obvious or probably not that important in the first place”), and Minnesota-circuit judges really just have no idea what’s going on.
Also, Miles made Graham cry again with the assertion that, if he could only grow breasts, perhaps he’d do better at tournaments. As one of two females currently on the team, I’d like to question that logic and/or become very depressed that, even with the Breast Bonus that apparently exists in parli debate, I’ve only done as well as I have.
To end on a less disconcerting note, congratulations to Carleton DM for a strong showing at their first tournament as partners and to Carleton MT for making it to semis, and may we have another chance to take down JerBear and his partner in the future.